::: Homely Analytical Nonsensical Intuitive Lady otherwise known as Systematic Arrogant Hackwrench :::

Thursday, July 07, 2005

another yr has passed...

im 22 finally..so old..supposedly stil young but somehow, i feel so old. tired of life. cant take it. too many challenges. which its damn hard for me to overcome. y is life so complicated..guess thats wat it is uh..if we don have complications then everyday wud b d same n us being humans wud not b satisfied n wants more...yah another thing..we r neva satisfied..never be contented wid things..always wants more..aiz...

frankly im tired..realli tired of life. y cant i jus b contented wid wat i have now? mayb its d situation tat im in..certain things r already planned out for us. sometimes its jus expected of us..we cant change it... i do feel tat im bein forced at times to live tis life im havin rite now. afterall they raise me, tis is little as compared to wat they went thru. i dont want to disappoint them but somehow im not happy but i dono how to put it across...

jus as wat mail said too...its a life cycle. being parents they always want the best for us, usually the best wud b something that they either din get or they deem to see as the perfect life for us..which usually tend to b different from the life they had..but somehow they always forgot tat we are all humans wid feelings n own thoughts too.. thers wen conflicts always occur..

now im also tired of arguing wid my dad. im tryin to c from his point of view but sometimes i jus wish tat he cud c from mine too.. takin into considerations of all my interests n perceptions.. its abit too late i guess but i wanna try, cos i noe down along the road...i have bigger challenges to face..esp wid him..so let me try to break the great wall again...hopefully he is receptive of it..

rite now..i don even noe myself. i lost all the drive in me. dono y..cos mayb im jus too tired of life. even my close frens noticed it. somehow ive tone down in my personality. not that strong headed nor as bubbly as before..wonder wat happen...being in oz i tot wud change me for the better...little did i noe tat it worsen me. mayb its jus some stuffs tat i begin to notice..esp since i have more time there to reflect on life.. y m i so pessimistic tis days..givin up so easily..wat happened to me?! don tell me the past is back to haunt me...

i had tis similar feeling back wen i was preparing myself for PSLE..suddenly i give up on studyin n slack all the way.. i realised tat i dissappoint my parents n vowed not to repeat it again..but y is tis happening again..ijit due to the stress lvl..which is definitely very high at tis moment!!!! im goin berserk..n i tot things were bad back then..its worse now...

GOD, pls open my eyes up n make me realise more things. i really need ur guidance at tis point of time. pls show me the signs before its too late. please..

| Lady Gadget Hackwrench C r u i s e d A t 7/07/2005 02:00:00 AM |