::: Homely Analytical Nonsensical Intuitive Lady otherwise known as Systematic Arrogant Hackwrench :::

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

i discovered that im not ready to be a mother.

it sure takes hard work. almost like a career itself but no monetary rewards, just full of satisfaction. hah wat m i blabbering but then again....seeing my little nephew in hospital. i realised alot of things a mother needs to sacrifice..even the grandmothers...

i cried when i first saw him in hospital. but the tears was held back. the whole afternoon we spent together, with him not leaving my arms, sleeping in them. crying when i tried to put him on the bed. even though my back ache like mad, i still hugged him to sleep. i cried further when i saw his weak body slowly got worse with his refusal to eat nor drink. we went home thinking that things will get better with the familiar environment...i slept next to him, felt the pain when at times, he found it hard to breathe n sleep...my heart goes out to him...

but the ultimate one was the cries he had for almost ten mins or so when the doc injected the tube for drip. the last choice his parents had cos he was too weak. that i cud not hold any longer...i cried when he stepped out of the rm. what made it worse was tat he was angry wid me for bathing him in the morning. so everything i did today was wrong...he totally refused me.

i think if im in my sister's shoes, (which by the way is always tight as she wears at least half size smaller) i would be crying all the time seeing my kiddo like tat. and for tat, i respect her. she was so strong to see her kid like tat...i guess she had to since she wudnt want her kiddo to be scared too...haha yah n im suppose to be the elder sis rite? ahahha....

So to my darling Md Amir Zikri....please get better. hopefully with the drip, ur energy is regained. i promise that i will bring u out once ur fine my darling...i miss that active bubbly kiddo..my little comando...always with his "Apa?" and "mamam"...i miss u darling..

| Lady Gadget Hackwrench C r u i s e d A t 6/28/2006 02:51:00 AM |